Lili

So tonight I got home and had an e-mail from my (ex?) girlfriend. I say ex, because I guess I am not really sure if we are together or not. For some reason, we seem to have a difficult time coming to an agreement as to whether we are going to stay together or not. After living with me for 2 years, she decided to venture back home with her parents, which I certainly do not consider a step forward. I obviously had no intention of going with her, so for the past 6 months we have been living 7 hours apart. At first I considered it to be something I could live with short term, because my love for her wouldn’t go away just because she did. Now I feel different and confused. Now I feel like she has more interest in her career and where she lives, than whether or not we have a meaningful relationship. I feel like I could stay with her, but that doing so would only be a typical long distance relationship; I’m not into that at this point. I know what makes me happy, and companionship is definitely one of the things that makes me happiest. I enjoy having her with me, all the time. I enjoy experiencing life with someone else, rather than alone, and over the telephone. I feel like I only get one shot at this LIFE thing, and thus should enjoy it to the fullest, not wasting time doing ANYTHING that I don’t feel 100%. I know that if it is meant to be, then it will be, but at the same time I know that the longer she stays away from me, the more I am going to want something to fill the void of companionship. I don’t think it is fair for me to have to wait indefinitely, for her to make up her mind. I already have, and my plan is to stay here until I am successful at completing my goals that I began at age 18.